Winston Salem church of Christ

No, No, No!

Did you hear about the little fellow in kindergarten who thought his name was, “Johnny Don’t!”

Don’t, don’t, don’t; No, No, No!   Those might be the most frequently said words in homes – especially homes with small children and teenagers.  And with today’s permissive parents, I doubt it’s said enough!   While there is always the danger of being overly negative, if we simply count the “no’s” and “yes’s” found in the Bible…there are more “no’s.”  As evidence, just think of The Ten Commandments!  How many “Thou Shalts” are there compared to “Thou Shalt Nots?”  The “nays” have it…8 to 2!

We see this continued in the life of Jeremiah the prophet.  He received some pretty serious “Do not” commands from God:

• Jeremiah 16:2 – “You shall not take a wife for yourself nor have sons or daughters in this place.”
• Jeremiah 16:5b – “Do not enter a house of mourning, or go to lament or to console them; for I have withdrawn My peace from this people,” declares the Lord, “My lovingkindness and compassion.
• Jeremiah 16:8 – “Moreover you shall not go into a house of feasting to sit with them to eat and drink.”

No wife, no children, no funerals of loved ones, and no parties or celebrations.  Can you say, “No fun! No life!”?  Would we be thinking, “That’s not fair!” and ask, “Why me?”  “What did I ever to do deserve this?” 

Let’s step back a little and consider possible perspectives on being told “no:”

1.         Negative Reaction – Isn’t a negative attitude our natural reaction when being told “no”?  Or do we instead usually jump up and down in celebration pumping our fists, shouting shouting, “Alllll Riiiight!”  Well, O.K., we might jump up and down…and we might pump our fists and shout…but that usually means we are throwing a temper tantrum!  Uh…, I mean, uh, our children are throwing tempter tantrums!  Yeah, that’s right!  We adults would never be so childish…would we?  The word “no” is a powerful word.  It can close our minds, while opening our mouths.  It can blind us to the all that is good, causing us to see only the bad.  All of a sudden, “Life is no fair!” no matter how good life is.  It can end a life-time relationship in blink of an eye.  That’s the negative power of “no.”

2.         Neutral Reaction – Do you think it is possible we sometimes react neither negatively nor positively, but rather sort of neutrally?  We hear “no,” and we accept the decision, even if disliked, but we don’t take it personally.  We don’t assign motives nor do we internalize our feelings, or act out.  This probably happens most often when we really do not care that much about what we requested.  Either that, or when we asked, we expected to be turned down.   Therefore the “no,” corresponded to our perceived reality.

3.         Positive Reaction – Now this reaction takes work, a lot of work, a lot of hard work – and then some more hard work.  We have to learn to stifle any personal hurt and disappointment and yet at the same time, take the decision personally…that is personally constructively.  We do this by examining the reasoning behind the decision.

            Let’s go back to the prohibitions given to Jeremiah.  Remember, God said: No wife, no children, no funerals of loved ones, and no parties or celebrations.  Could any good come out of these prohibitions?

• Jeremiah would be spared from suffering the personal pain due to the anguish, suffering, and possible loss of his wife and children.  Remember,
  Jerusalem would be under siege, and invaded.  People would starve to death, and be taken into captivity.  Would the comfort received from a family be worth the pain seeing them suffer?
• Jeremiah would be an example to
  Judah of life’s realities.  Their future life was as bleak and empty as his present life.  While we Christians are not given the same prohibitions as Jeremiah, Christians today also are to be examples to others of life’s realities.  What is real?  What is life really about?  Are there celebrations that Christians should not attend?  Are there times we have to tell our friends and relatives that we can’t join them because we are Christians?  Are there times we have to tell our friends and neighbors “no thanks?”  Are their relationships and activities we cannot be part of our relationship to God?  Are their situations we cannot attend because there is a time conflict with a congregational activity?  Do we sometimes have to tell our boss that we cannot work because we are going to church?

This lesson about God saying “no” and ourselves having a positive reaction is not just a theological discussion as we have already seen.  So let’s make some more applications.

            Parents – There are some necessary, every-day, parental lessons to be learned from God’s example.

1. Learn to say “no.”  It won’t damage your child’s psyche.  God said “no” to His children (Thou Shalt Not).
2. Learn when to say “no.”  When is the right time to say “no”?  When it is for your child’s benefit – not just for your convenience.  God’s commands are for our good (Deut.6:24).
3. Learn to say “no” and mean it.  Too often parents start off saying “no,” and then the whining, crying, temper-tantrums start.  And then parents change their mind.  Why?  Just to get their kid to shut up!  That’s teaches several horrible lessons to your children.  It is teaching them that:

Ø      You are weak.

Ø      They are boss.

Ø      You don’t mean what you say.

Ø      You never had a good reason to say no.

            Children (especially teenagers), there are some important, essential lessons for you too:

1. Learn to accept being told “no.”  If you don’t, how will you handle being told “no” by a teacher or as an adult by an employer, or a spouse?
2. Learn to accept being told “no” for the right reason – your parents love you and want what is best for you.

Back in the seventies, in the
United States, some people claimed – and maybe some still do – that they did not want to bring children into this world due to all the pain of this world.  Personally I always thought they were exaggerating the conditions, although admittedly there is pain – often caused by sin.  When God forbade Jeremiah from marrying and having children, God did not exaggerate to Jeremiah.  Sometimes we need to tell ourselves “no” too!

God did Jeremiah a favor when God said, “Jeremiah Don’t!”